There're more than 2 types of people in the world...

One of my BFFs wants to be credited for this post, but I don't reveal my sources(yeah, not even at their request) so he shall now be known as Dr. I.A.Y. or Dr. I in short(see Dr. I, I promised I'd make it as obvious as possible).

So, this afternoon, when I was in said Dr.'s place, we started talking about loads of crap like we always do. Suddenly, I could see like a light turned on somewhere within Dr. I, and he became (his best impersonation of a person who is) philosophical when I talked about a friend I know. I was telling how this particular person was an "interesting character" in both positive and negative ways. His response was whether the person was attractive.

That stopped me in my tracks. "what has that got to do with anything?" I asked.

"Oh, dear naive boy.. there're only 3 groups of people in the world", according to Dr.I.. No, it has nothing to do with the post-psycho Britney song 'circus'

I'm going to try my best to explain his concept of social hierarchy. It seems simple, which it essentially is, cept that the 2nd group(to be elaborated later) consists of a further 3 subgroups.

To simplify matters, I shall talk about Groups 1 and 3 first, before breaking down the slightly more complicated 2nd group. Here goes:

Group 1:

According to the ever wise doctor, these are the people who are attractive and socially acceptable, sought after even. You know, people like him and me (I swear, he said I was in this group. No, i didn't make it up. Besides who am I to argue with a worldly, wise and a person who obviously has taste *wink). These are the people whom everyone wants to date or be like (regardless of gender/sexual orientation)

Group 3:

At the risk of sounding mean, these are the types of people whom you(the people in group 1) have heard about, you know they exist, you've talked about them. But you've never really seen them. Well "see" as in notice and they're not "worth your time even looking/talking" to quote Dr. I. Essentially the social pariahs. A person from group 1 who mingles with people from this group is considered a saint, sympathetic, benevolent and kind. A person from group 2 who does the same, will risk downgrading their assigned classes.

Group 2 is divided to 3 smaller groups. All based on how public one is willing to go about whatever relations formed with people from this group. They are:

Group 2a:

The 2a's are people you would consider bedding in certain circumstances, keyword being 'consider'. Circumstances being, among other things; rebounds, absence of persons from group 1, and, thinking the person looked like a childhood love.
And if you were to be asked by a friend/acquaintance whether you've had any physical relations with a 2a, you would nonchalantly say "yes". No justification necessary. In fact, avoid giving reasons to why you slept with the person in the first place and attemp to manouver the conversation as far away from the issue as possible. For example, discussing dinner plans for the evening is usually a lame but effective change of topic.

Group 2b:

Similar to group one, in the sense where you wouldn't mind having carnal affairs with, under undesirable circumstances of course. But that is usually the case only when one is heavily intoxicated and can't think clearly, and so are in positions where one can potentially be used and seduced by a less attractive human being.
When the questions start pouring at you, you would only let it be known if pressured constantly. You tell the truth just to shut your friends up. However, note that you are COMPELLED, nay, make that REQUIRED to justify sleeping with persons from this subgroup. "I was really drunk" and "she/he has such low self-esteem, it was a sympathy thing" are solid excuses. Remember, the point is to make you seem saint-like and the other party, a manipulating biatch/jerk/whore/slut/loser..

Group 2c:

People from this subgroup are usually unattractive, but due to some momentary lapse of judgment, you made the mistake of doing "stuff" with them naked. Like, being paid for sex when you're really really broke(hey desperate times call for desperate measures right. Gotta buy those designer clothes even in the midst of a recession, no?)
Now, when asked about it, you would rather die than to tell the truth. Here's a sample of how the conversation should go. person B represents the guy/gal from group 1

A: I heard you slept with him/her
B: Oh, my god, that's f**king crazy, I did not
A: But he/she said....
B: What an idiotic loser. Making up stories so untrue.
A: But he/she could perfectly describe your vagina/penis
B: *laughs loud... what? Oh god, you're gonna believe that loser? Come on.. I mean have you not seen him/her? What's disgusting is that I think he/she is a peeping Tom. I feel violated
A: Oh well...
B: You believe me right? right? NEVER. In. A. Million. Years..!!

The point is, fight to conceal the truth. This can easily be done by amplifying the the loserlyness(yes I know it's not a real word) of the person involved


So kids, that was the social grouping according to Dr.I. He was so entertaining with his elaborations that we ended up forgetting about my friend, who would probably fall in group 2c. But that was the point. Said friend was beneath us. We shouldn't waste our breaths like that.

xxx