Loud sex = Good sex ??? Maybe

a.k.a. wake the neighbours why don't you

I have a confession. Lately, I have been addicted to an online magazine called Shine! which is run by yahoo. When I lost my internet connection, (due to faults totally unrelated to me) I was kinda lost and needed my shiny fix. So I went to the library on campus and the first thing I accessed was the "sex" section of said online magazine

"Noisy sex: Wake the neighbors or keep it down?"... that was written in bold and I got some oh-my-god-you're-a-weirdo look from a few people, to which I shot a yeah-let's-pretend-u-are-celibate look, but I digress.

Anyway the title of the article reminded me of a conversation I once had with a friend (whom we shall refer to as Mr. Moan-unnecessarily, or Mr. MU for short), who told me that he was compelled to make sex noises or sex just "wouldn't feel like sex at all".

"So, what do you do? Like fake those noises?" I was curious

"not really, more like, when someone hits a spot, just acknowledge it by making a sound" Mr. MU said, "you know, like when you get an IM, there's this buzzing thingy"

That got me thinking, do sex noises serve any purpose at all? I mean most things we do serve an evolutionary purpose, and sex is of course the basis of procreation, so sex noises probably play a few roles in the act of procreation and recreation. Here are a few of my hypotheses:

1. They let the partner or partners if you're into doing things in groups (no judgement, the more the merrier) know where to touch(not necessarily with their hands) thus, ensuring a pleasant experience in future. I think it's called mapping?

2. Though silence is golden, severe quietness leads to sleepiness which may just take the spark out of your sex lives.

3. They allow the giving partner to feel appreciated. Feeling good about yourself can be an addictive feeling. Ensuring that you provide that in a sexual session may potentially make you a source of addiction. Think, people addicted to sleeping with you. Should that happen, you'll have to fend off sexual partners, and most people wouldn't complain about having a problem like that (well, unless you can't perform, but there's always viagra)

4. If you don't give a signal, how would the other party know you're done. Poor thing would probably just go on and on. You don't wanna wear your partner out, do you? It is recommended that there should at least be a slight moan after you get yours, even if you're an extremely quiet person in bed

5. "you're sooooooo big" are merely words, without supporting sound effects. "oh my GAWD" and "oooh wow" are ideally peppered throughout a session.

6. Because "the hills are alive, with the sound of music" suggests that sounds in general are closely associated with life. So the louder you are, the more alive, no?

A word of caution however, all the loudness/lewdness in the world wouldn't get you laid if you are a group 3 (refer to previous post)

P/S, I shall not be held responsible should the authorities get involved if you were to take this post too seriously and try to make up for your lack of bedroom talents with noises that would rival the noise level of a rock concert

xxx