a.k.a. wake the neighbours why don't you
I have a confession. Lately, I have been addicted to an online magazine called Shine! which is run by yahoo. When I lost my internet connection, (due to faults totally unrelated to me) I was kinda lost and needed my shiny fix. So I went to the library on campus and the first thing I accessed was the "sex" section of said online magazine
"Noisy sex: Wake the neighbors or keep it down?"... that was written in bold and I got some oh-my-god-you're-a-weirdo look from a few people, to which I shot a yeah-let's-pretend-u-are-celibate look, but I digress.
Anyway the title of the article reminded me of a conversation I once had with a friend (whom we shall refer to as Mr. Moan-unnecessarily, or Mr. MU for short), who told me that he was compelled to make sex noises or sex just "wouldn't feel like sex at all".
"So, what do you do? Like fake those noises?" I was curious
"not really, more like, when someone hits a spot, just acknowledge it by making a sound" Mr. MU said, "you know, like when you get an IM, there's this buzzing thingy"
That got me thinking, do sex noises serve any purpose at all? I mean most things we do serve an evolutionary purpose, and sex is of course the basis of procreation, so sex noises probably play a few roles in the act of procreation and recreation. Here are a few of my hypotheses:
1. They let the partner or partners if you're into doing things in groups (no judgement, the more the merrier) know where to touch(not necessarily with their hands) thus, ensuring a pleasant experience in future. I think it's called mapping?
2. Though silence is golden, severe quietness leads to sleepiness which may just take the spark out of your sex lives.
3. They allow the giving partner to feel appreciated. Feeling good about yourself can be an addictive feeling. Ensuring that you provide that in a sexual session may potentially make you a source of addiction. Think, people addicted to sleeping with you. Should that happen, you'll have to fend off sexual partners, and most people wouldn't complain about having a problem like that (well, unless you can't perform, but there's always viagra)
4. If you don't give a signal, how would the other party know you're done. Poor thing would probably just go on and on. You don't wanna wear your partner out, do you? It is recommended that there should at least be a slight moan after you get yours, even if you're an extremely quiet person in bed
5. "you're sooooooo big" are merely words, without supporting sound effects. "oh my GAWD" and "oooh wow" are ideally peppered throughout a session.
6. Because "the hills are alive, with the sound of music" suggests that sounds in general are closely associated with life. So the louder you are, the more alive, no?
A word of caution however, all the loudness/lewdness in the world wouldn't get you laid if you are a group 3 (refer to previous post)
P/S, I shall not be held responsible should the authorities get involved if you were to take this post too seriously and try to make up for your lack of bedroom talents with noises that would rival the noise level of a rock concert
xxx
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Condom as a sex toy...
I think to most people, condoms are the anti-sex toy. Here's the equation. If, a sex toy is something that gives you pleasure in bed, then a condom, famous for its role in reducing sexual pleasure would be kind of an antonym. No?
I was justifying this little equation to a transsexual woman(let's call her miss Hz) I befriended when I was in the "Family and Health Development Association"(which is just a fancier way to say "the association that gives out free condoms". I could have sworn I saw a snarl forming on her upper lip. She was pissed. As she was a lady with class, she quickly calmed down and started giving me and whoever who was willing to listen, a lecture on the virtues of using a condom. And it wasn't a short lecture.
I was caught, I couldn't say anything clever, no sly retorts. I just nodded and hoped she would get distracted. Maybe there would be a blackout, and she would have to pause to check it out, at least that was what i was hoping for.
After what seemed like forever, fortunately for me, she stopped lecturing and took on a lighter tone. "excuse me, stay here, I'll be right back," she said. She came back a few moments later carrying a small canvas pouch. "you may have whatever's inside." Wow, my cheekiness got me a gift. I unzipped the pouch to find about 8 condoms in opaque silver wrappings.
I looked at her not knowing how to react, of course I said thank you, because I was brought up to be courteous. She went on to explain that those were flavoured. "Kiwi, strawberry and banana," she said.
"Well, this is just fun for the person on the receiving end then," I told her.
However, apparently, there are ways to turn condoms into sex toys. Well, the flavour is one way. It's fun and it adds a zest. And another way, which I will attempt to describe, which will benefit the person wearing the condom.
Said transsexual lady got this tip from one of the street walker she got acquainted with while carrying out her activist duties. (she distributes free condoms to illegal sex workers and educates them about safe sex... and now, she's educating me). It seems that this gives an 80% guarantee of a repeat business. Oh yeah, and condoms need to be used during oral sex too... Why do you think they make the flavoured kind if you're just gonna put it in a damp hole without nerve endings that could recognize taste and smell.(ie, the vagina or the anal canal)
So all you guys out there, make your girlfriend/boyfriend try this:
1. nip the the nippled end of the condom between your lips
2. place condom(with lips attached) on head of penis
3. slowly roll the condom onto the shaft with your lips.
4. work your magic.
Have fun and be safe...
xxx
I was justifying this little equation to a transsexual woman(let's call her miss Hz) I befriended when I was in the "Family and Health Development Association"(which is just a fancier way to say "the association that gives out free condoms". I could have sworn I saw a snarl forming on her upper lip. She was pissed. As she was a lady with class, she quickly calmed down and started giving me and whoever who was willing to listen, a lecture on the virtues of using a condom. And it wasn't a short lecture.
I was caught, I couldn't say anything clever, no sly retorts. I just nodded and hoped she would get distracted. Maybe there would be a blackout, and she would have to pause to check it out, at least that was what i was hoping for.
After what seemed like forever, fortunately for me, she stopped lecturing and took on a lighter tone. "excuse me, stay here, I'll be right back," she said. She came back a few moments later carrying a small canvas pouch. "you may have whatever's inside." Wow, my cheekiness got me a gift. I unzipped the pouch to find about 8 condoms in opaque silver wrappings.
I looked at her not knowing how to react, of course I said thank you, because I was brought up to be courteous. She went on to explain that those were flavoured. "Kiwi, strawberry and banana," she said.
"Well, this is just fun for the person on the receiving end then," I told her.
However, apparently, there are ways to turn condoms into sex toys. Well, the flavour is one way. It's fun and it adds a zest. And another way, which I will attempt to describe, which will benefit the person wearing the condom.
Said transsexual lady got this tip from one of the street walker she got acquainted with while carrying out her activist duties. (she distributes free condoms to illegal sex workers and educates them about safe sex... and now, she's educating me). It seems that this gives an 80% guarantee of a repeat business. Oh yeah, and condoms need to be used during oral sex too... Why do you think they make the flavoured kind if you're just gonna put it in a damp hole without nerve endings that could recognize taste and smell.(ie, the vagina or the anal canal)
So all you guys out there, make your girlfriend/boyfriend try this:
1. nip the the nippled end of the condom between your lips
2. place condom(with lips attached) on head of penis
3. slowly roll the condom onto the shaft with your lips.
4. work your magic.
Have fun and be safe...
xxx
Thursday, April 23, 2009
There're more than 2 types of people in the world...
One of my BFFs wants to be credited for this post, but I don't reveal my sources(yeah, not even at their request) so he shall now be known as Dr. I.A.Y. or Dr. I in short(see Dr. I, I promised I'd make it as obvious as possible).
So, this afternoon, when I was in said Dr.'s place, we started talking about loads of crap like we always do. Suddenly, I could see like a light turned on somewhere within Dr. I, and he became (his best impersonation of a person who is) philosophical when I talked about a friend I know. I was telling how this particular person was an "interesting character" in both positive and negative ways. His response was whether the person was attractive.
That stopped me in my tracks. "what has that got to do with anything?" I asked.
"Oh, dear naive boy.. there're only 3 groups of people in the world", according to Dr.I.. No, it has nothing to do with the post-psycho Britney song 'circus'
I'm going to try my best to explain his concept of social hierarchy. It seems simple, which it essentially is, cept that the 2nd group(to be elaborated later) consists of a further 3 subgroups.
To simplify matters, I shall talk about Groups 1 and 3 first, before breaking down the slightly more complicated 2nd group. Here goes:
Group 1:
According to the ever wise doctor, these are the people who are attractive and socially acceptable, sought after even. You know, people like him and me (I swear, he said I was in this group. No, i didn't make it up. Besides who am I to argue with a worldly, wise and a person who obviously has taste *wink). These are the people whom everyone wants to date or be like (regardless of gender/sexual orientation)
Group 3:
At the risk of sounding mean, these are the types of people whom you(the people in group 1) have heard about, you know they exist, you've talked about them. But you've never really seen them. Well "see" as in notice and they're not "worth your time even looking/talking" to quote Dr. I. Essentially the social pariahs. A person from group 1 who mingles with people from this group is considered a saint, sympathetic, benevolent and kind. A person from group 2 who does the same, will risk downgrading their assigned classes.
Group 2 is divided to 3 smaller groups. All based on how public one is willing to go about whatever relations formed with people from this group. They are:
Group 2a:
The 2a's are people you would consider bedding in certain circumstances, keyword being 'consider'. Circumstances being, among other things; rebounds, absence of persons from group 1, and, thinking the person looked like a childhood love.
And if you were to be asked by a friend/acquaintance whether you've had any physical relations with a 2a, you would nonchalantly say "yes". No justification necessary. In fact, avoid giving reasons to why you slept with the person in the first place and attemp to manouver the conversation as far away from the issue as possible. For example, discussing dinner plans for the evening is usually a lame but effective change of topic.
Group 2b:
Similar to group one, in the sense where you wouldn't mind having carnal affairs with, under undesirable circumstances of course. But that is usually the case only when one is heavily intoxicated and can't think clearly, and so are in positions where one can potentially be used and seduced by a less attractive human being.
When the questions start pouring at you, you would only let it be known if pressured constantly. You tell the truth just to shut your friends up. However, note that you are COMPELLED, nay, make that REQUIRED to justify sleeping with persons from this subgroup. "I was really drunk" and "she/he has such low self-esteem, it was a sympathy thing" are solid excuses. Remember, the point is to make you seem saint-like and the other party, a manipulating biatch/jerk/whore/slut/loser..
Group 2c:
People from this subgroup are usually unattractive, but due to some momentary lapse of judgment, you made the mistake of doing "stuff" with them naked. Like, being paid for sex when you're really really broke(hey desperate times call for desperate measures right. Gotta buy those designer clothes even in the midst of a recession, no?)
Now, when asked about it, you would rather die than to tell the truth. Here's a sample of how the conversation should go. person B represents the guy/gal from group 1
A: I heard you slept with him/her
B: Oh, my god, that's f**king crazy, I did not
A: But he/she said....
B: What an idiotic loser. Making up stories so untrue.
A: But he/she could perfectly describe your vagina/penis
B: *laughs loud... what? Oh god, you're gonna believe that loser? Come on.. I mean have you not seen him/her? What's disgusting is that I think he/she is a peeping Tom. I feel violated
A: Oh well...
B: You believe me right? right? NEVER. In. A. Million. Years..!!
The point is, fight to conceal the truth. This can easily be done by amplifying the the loserlyness(yes I know it's not a real word) of the person involved
So kids, that was the social grouping according to Dr.I. He was so entertaining with his elaborations that we ended up forgetting about my friend, who would probably fall in group 2c. But that was the point. Said friend was beneath us. We shouldn't waste our breaths like that.
xxx
So, this afternoon, when I was in said Dr.'s place, we started talking about loads of crap like we always do. Suddenly, I could see like a light turned on somewhere within Dr. I, and he became (his best impersonation of a person who is) philosophical when I talked about a friend I know. I was telling how this particular person was an "interesting character" in both positive and negative ways. His response was whether the person was attractive.
That stopped me in my tracks. "what has that got to do with anything?" I asked.
"Oh, dear naive boy.. there're only 3 groups of people in the world", according to Dr.I.. No, it has nothing to do with the post-psycho Britney song 'circus'
I'm going to try my best to explain his concept of social hierarchy. It seems simple, which it essentially is, cept that the 2nd group(to be elaborated later) consists of a further 3 subgroups.
To simplify matters, I shall talk about Groups 1 and 3 first, before breaking down the slightly more complicated 2nd group. Here goes:
Group 1:
According to the ever wise doctor, these are the people who are attractive and socially acceptable, sought after even. You know, people like him and me (I swear, he said I was in this group. No, i didn't make it up. Besides who am I to argue with a worldly, wise and a person who obviously has taste *wink). These are the people whom everyone wants to date or be like (regardless of gender/sexual orientation)
Group 3:
At the risk of sounding mean, these are the types of people whom you(the people in group 1) have heard about, you know they exist, you've talked about them. But you've never really seen them. Well "see" as in notice and they're not "worth your time even looking/talking" to quote Dr. I. Essentially the social pariahs. A person from group 1 who mingles with people from this group is considered a saint, sympathetic, benevolent and kind. A person from group 2 who does the same, will risk downgrading their assigned classes.
Group 2 is divided to 3 smaller groups. All based on how public one is willing to go about whatever relations formed with people from this group. They are:
Group 2a:
The 2a's are people you would consider bedding in certain circumstances, keyword being 'consider'. Circumstances being, among other things; rebounds, absence of persons from group 1, and, thinking the person looked like a childhood love.
And if you were to be asked by a friend/acquaintance whether you've had any physical relations with a 2a, you would nonchalantly say "yes". No justification necessary. In fact, avoid giving reasons to why you slept with the person in the first place and attemp to manouver the conversation as far away from the issue as possible. For example, discussing dinner plans for the evening is usually a lame but effective change of topic.
Group 2b:
Similar to group one, in the sense where you wouldn't mind having carnal affairs with, under undesirable circumstances of course. But that is usually the case only when one is heavily intoxicated and can't think clearly, and so are in positions where one can potentially be used and seduced by a less attractive human being.
When the questions start pouring at you, you would only let it be known if pressured constantly. You tell the truth just to shut your friends up. However, note that you are COMPELLED, nay, make that REQUIRED to justify sleeping with persons from this subgroup. "I was really drunk" and "she/he has such low self-esteem, it was a sympathy thing" are solid excuses. Remember, the point is to make you seem saint-like and the other party, a manipulating biatch/jerk/whore/slut/loser..
Group 2c:
People from this subgroup are usually unattractive, but due to some momentary lapse of judgment, you made the mistake of doing "stuff" with them naked. Like, being paid for sex when you're really really broke(hey desperate times call for desperate measures right. Gotta buy those designer clothes even in the midst of a recession, no?)
Now, when asked about it, you would rather die than to tell the truth. Here's a sample of how the conversation should go. person B represents the guy/gal from group 1
A: I heard you slept with him/her
B: Oh, my god, that's f**king crazy, I did not
A: But he/she said....
B: What an idiotic loser. Making up stories so untrue.
A: But he/she could perfectly describe your vagina/penis
B: *laughs loud... what? Oh god, you're gonna believe that loser? Come on.. I mean have you not seen him/her? What's disgusting is that I think he/she is a peeping Tom. I feel violated
A: Oh well...
B: You believe me right? right? NEVER. In. A. Million. Years..!!
The point is, fight to conceal the truth. This can easily be done by amplifying the the loserlyness(yes I know it's not a real word) of the person involved
So kids, that was the social grouping according to Dr.I. He was so entertaining with his elaborations that we ended up forgetting about my friend, who would probably fall in group 2c. But that was the point. Said friend was beneath us. We shouldn't waste our breaths like that.
xxx
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
You'll never get to heaven if you're scared of getting high
a.k.a. Why you should lose your virginity before you turn 18
See, I was talking to my friend, a fairly normal 20 year old (a pervert only by prudes' standards) and he was telling me about what I should get for our mutual friend's birthday. Since I have more access to said mutual friend, he suggested that I try to get him laid. It was a joke of course (at least I thought it was).
But the point is, it lead to us talking about losing one's virginity. This thing we call virginity, so completely worshipped here, even though everyone knows that no sane person would maintain celibacy till their wedding night. An exception would be that they were really ugly and the marriage was an arranged one.
Anyway, we got to talking about the virtues of losing one's virginity before one stopped being considered a teen ie. before turning 19/20. Most people lose theirs by 17, but that's just fyi and is not what we're discussing today. Apparently, besides the "SEX IS SO MUCH FUN" reason(immature statement? maybe, but hey it is so damn true, no?). Here are our top 10, mine and I-love-boobs-loads'* (in no particular order really)
10. For nostalgic value. ie, to recreate memories from when you were breast feeding. or from when you put your head through the birth canal.. only this time, it's in the other direction.
9. Remember when you mocked your sister for using a product called 'feminine wash'.. You'll learn to love that particular personal hygiene product.
8. For the uncircumcised(not me), to give you a reason to clean yourself out when you shower.
7. You'll finally understand the concept of dermatomes, well, assuming you have someone who is good in bed.
6. Because masturbation, although fun, is not equivalent
5. Hello 30 year old virgin
4. Cuz first time really sucks. No one told you? oh... well, it does, get it over and done with and get better. Practise makes perfect. Virginity is too highly over-rated.
3. Because your parent's wouldn't be able to tell from you face that you've had sexual intercourse. Nope, your pastor can't too..
2. Oxytocin** makes you happy. Happy people are healthy/sexy/productive
1. Just so you can finally say, "I got laid, high five"
Peace. xxx
*OBVIOUSLY not his real name, duh... (hey even in a world with no pretense, some kinda cover up is sometimes necessary)
** a hormone released during orgasms. More so when it's with a partner. ie, solo counts, but not that much.
p/s: all that being said and done, sexual relations should only be done with consenting parties, and only if you think you're emotionally ready, and if you're a guy and over 15, and if you're a chick who's over 14, you probably are, and have been dreaming about it.
See, I was talking to my friend, a fairly normal 20 year old (a pervert only by prudes' standards) and he was telling me about what I should get for our mutual friend's birthday. Since I have more access to said mutual friend, he suggested that I try to get him laid. It was a joke of course (at least I thought it was).
But the point is, it lead to us talking about losing one's virginity. This thing we call virginity, so completely worshipped here, even though everyone knows that no sane person would maintain celibacy till their wedding night. An exception would be that they were really ugly and the marriage was an arranged one.
Anyway, we got to talking about the virtues of losing one's virginity before one stopped being considered a teen ie. before turning 19/20. Most people lose theirs by 17, but that's just fyi and is not what we're discussing today. Apparently, besides the "SEX IS SO MUCH FUN" reason(immature statement? maybe, but hey it is so damn true, no?). Here are our top 10, mine and I-love-boobs-loads'* (in no particular order really)
10. For nostalgic value. ie, to recreate memories from when you were breast feeding. or from when you put your head through the birth canal.. only this time, it's in the other direction.
9. Remember when you mocked your sister for using a product called 'feminine wash'.. You'll learn to love that particular personal hygiene product.
8. For the uncircumcised(not me), to give you a reason to clean yourself out when you shower.
7. You'll finally understand the concept of dermatomes, well, assuming you have someone who is good in bed.
6. Because masturbation, although fun, is not equivalent
5. Hello 30 year old virgin
4. Cuz first time really sucks. No one told you? oh... well, it does, get it over and done with and get better. Practise makes perfect. Virginity is too highly over-rated.
3. Because your parent's wouldn't be able to tell from you face that you've had sexual intercourse. Nope, your pastor can't too..
2. Oxytocin** makes you happy. Happy people are healthy/sexy/productive
1. Just so you can finally say, "I got laid, high five"
Peace. xxx
*OBVIOUSLY not his real name, duh... (hey even in a world with no pretense, some kinda cover up is sometimes necessary)
** a hormone released during orgasms. More so when it's with a partner. ie, solo counts, but not that much.
p/s: all that being said and done, sexual relations should only be done with consenting parties, and only if you think you're emotionally ready, and if you're a guy and over 15, and if you're a chick who's over 14, you probably are, and have been dreaming about it.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Masturbation and the average asian female
When I first discovered I could pleasure myself without a lover, I was amazed by what my body could do. Maybe that's just my self absorbness, you know, the whole I love me me ME!!!! thing I had/have going on.
Flash forward about 10 years later. I found myself in the lecture hall waiting for my Pharmacology lecture to start. Being someone who was always at least a minute late for classes regardless of how hard I try not to be, I found it refreshing that I was there before the Lecturer. That was an exciting and historical moment in my life.
So not knowing the protocol of being early to class, I looked around nervously, trying to see what the other students were doing. It seemed like everyone was busy chatting away, so I decided to the same thing. At that time, sitting beside me was a fashionable young lady, whom I've known about a year. You could say we were friends (actual friends, and not acquintances that can pass for a friend). I was smiling at her, thinking of what to say to her to strike a light conversation. We started off with mundane stuff.
But to cut to the point, the conversation soon turned to what we did before we came for class that afternoon. So, me being the straightforward guy I always am, took little time to think before I blurted "I masturbated". I didn't know whether her reaction was humourous, pretentious or just plain annoying.
She said "oh, my god. You do that?"
I was kinda surprised at her reaction because the people I grew up with before I went to university, you know, NORMAL people, would just laugh it off and not PRETEND like they don't do it.
At that point, I still didn't realise what was going on, so I replied "of course I do that, I'm a 19 year old guy, I mean don't you?"
she blushed, turned away and lied that she didn't. Apparently Girls don't do that. Yes, she generalised it... GIRLS it seems don't touch themselves. Cuz you know, they just take THAT long to shower. Cuz you know, they soap themselves REALLY thoroughly.
I soon realised that she was being a pretentious asian bitch trying to lead us all to believe she doesn't know her body has nerve endings. But what ticked me off was when she turned to the row of about 7 girls behind her(none of them attractive enough to get laid, so one had to assume self gratification was the only way to orgasms) and she asked "I mean we girls don't do that right"
Me being smug, I thought she was going to get shamed when they said they do. To my horror, they violently shook their heads in protest. I was utterly speechless.
Bitches, I know you do it... and probably to some picture of a random naked dude you got off the internet. So don't lie to me. I will not feel ashamed because I love myself, I love my body, and I appreciate the beautiful things that it can give me. it's all under my congtrol. And I've had some of the best sex with myself(well under controlled circumstances, ie. nothing in my blood that shouldn't be there but that's for another post... but yeah, still thinking about THAT orgasm.. ooh)
Why so shameful? It's natural, it's fun and it's free... For god's sake there's a Britney Spears song about it. It's called "touch of my hand"
Love yourself bitches, you're no slut for doing so.
xxx
Flash forward about 10 years later. I found myself in the lecture hall waiting for my Pharmacology lecture to start. Being someone who was always at least a minute late for classes regardless of how hard I try not to be, I found it refreshing that I was there before the Lecturer. That was an exciting and historical moment in my life.
So not knowing the protocol of being early to class, I looked around nervously, trying to see what the other students were doing. It seemed like everyone was busy chatting away, so I decided to the same thing. At that time, sitting beside me was a fashionable young lady, whom I've known about a year. You could say we were friends (actual friends, and not acquintances that can pass for a friend). I was smiling at her, thinking of what to say to her to strike a light conversation. We started off with mundane stuff.
But to cut to the point, the conversation soon turned to what we did before we came for class that afternoon. So, me being the straightforward guy I always am, took little time to think before I blurted "I masturbated". I didn't know whether her reaction was humourous, pretentious or just plain annoying.
She said "oh, my god. You do that?"
I was kinda surprised at her reaction because the people I grew up with before I went to university, you know, NORMAL people, would just laugh it off and not PRETEND like they don't do it.
At that point, I still didn't realise what was going on, so I replied "of course I do that, I'm a 19 year old guy, I mean don't you?"
she blushed, turned away and lied that she didn't. Apparently Girls don't do that. Yes, she generalised it... GIRLS it seems don't touch themselves. Cuz you know, they just take THAT long to shower. Cuz you know, they soap themselves REALLY thoroughly.
I soon realised that she was being a pretentious asian bitch trying to lead us all to believe she doesn't know her body has nerve endings. But what ticked me off was when she turned to the row of about 7 girls behind her(none of them attractive enough to get laid, so one had to assume self gratification was the only way to orgasms) and she asked "I mean we girls don't do that right"
Me being smug, I thought she was going to get shamed when they said they do. To my horror, they violently shook their heads in protest. I was utterly speechless.
Bitches, I know you do it... and probably to some picture of a random naked dude you got off the internet. So don't lie to me. I will not feel ashamed because I love myself, I love my body, and I appreciate the beautiful things that it can give me. it's all under my congtrol. And I've had some of the best sex with myself(well under controlled circumstances, ie. nothing in my blood that shouldn't be there but that's for another post... but yeah, still thinking about THAT orgasm.. ooh)
Why so shameful? It's natural, it's fun and it's free... For god's sake there's a Britney Spears song about it. It's called "touch of my hand"
Love yourself bitches, you're no slut for doing so.
xxx
Introduction part 2
Oh yeah, and since I'm new at this, nobody taught me how to edit my stuff after I post it. So, anyway, I realised that I didn't mention what this whole blog was about.
Let me first say that the world has gone on too long without me. There's just too much pretense around don't you think?
See what I used to do when I'm really annoyed by people is that I talk about it with my friends and they usually involve people pretending to be someone their not. So to spare my friends the auditory torture, I have decided to put it in writing. This is also useful for when my friends are not around at any moment I need to talk smack about an issue. This way, I'll always remember that issue so I could bring it up and bore more unsuspecting party guests before I've had too much to drink.
OK, writing is harder than I thought. But I will try for my future fans. And I better have loads of those
xxx
Let me first say that the world has gone on too long without me. There's just too much pretense around don't you think?
See what I used to do when I'm really annoyed by people is that I talk about it with my friends and they usually involve people pretending to be someone their not. So to spare my friends the auditory torture, I have decided to put it in writing. This is also useful for when my friends are not around at any moment I need to talk smack about an issue. This way, I'll always remember that issue so I could bring it up and bore more unsuspecting party guests before I've had too much to drink.
OK, writing is harder than I thought. But I will try for my future fans. And I better have loads of those
xxx
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